Stop Comparing Your Parents With Other People’s Parents
Have you ever compare your parents with other people’s parents?
I have seen a lot of students who compare their parents with other student parents. I’m going to explain this through the example.
For example, one girl’s parents nurture her well, meets all the requirements, fulfill each & every demand of herself, and treat her like a princess. We all have seen this in our childhood.
A lot of parents treat their children like this: if you will score 90% to 95%, then we will gift you iPhone or maybe buy a bike for you. It works as a reward. Whenever parents treat their children like this, then what happens is? Children set the External Expectation. For parents, it is like a reward for their children. Up to a certain age, it is completely okay. But, this External Expectation and desire for the materialistic thing have no end. There is a huge difference between need and want. Need means you require the things for your life survival and want means desire or wish. It is like a trick for their children to get something to work out or maybe to accomplish goals & milestones.
On the other hand, I will share my experience and even so many people can relate this with me. In my childhood, whenever I had told my grandfather: if I will score this much (80% — 85%) then what you would give me the prize? Then my grandfather’s reaction was like: we were providing you the best education so that you can be the person who can do everything by yourself.
At that moment, I failed to understand this. But now, I realized. Your parent’s job is to fulfill your physiological needs such as food, medical, clothing, and shelter. In addition to that, give love, time, support, acceptance, and understanding. Furthermore, they provide you the formation that includes: Give the right direction, enforce the rules, set limits & discipline, being accountable for your behavior, and teach you values.
Difference between Materialistic Gifts Vs. Non-Materialistic Gifts
Materialistic Gifts Graph
You can analyze from the above graph that how parents treat their children. For example, if you score 70% in the 7th standard then, we will buy a smartphone for you. If you score 75% in the 10th standard then, we will buy a laptop for you. If you score 80% in the 12th standard then, we will buy a bike for you. Moreover, on birthday’s an apple watch and other gift stuff.
Here’s, what happens is children set the External Expectation for the Materialistic Things. Instead of focusing on the Actual Progress of Learning, they focus on the Materialistic Gifts Rewards.
Non — Materialistic Gifts Graph
Now focus on this Non-Materialistic Gifts graph. If parents can gift (teach) their children Non-Materialistic Gifts such as How to observe one particular problem or situation? How to build self-confidence? How to believe in yourself? How to use your creativity in your work? How to install habits?
As you see, there is a huge difference between both graphs. If parents can gift their children Non-Materialistic Gifts then it is life-changing for their children.
Remember one thing in life: whenever your parents do a hard thing with you (knowingly or unknowingly), they want to make you stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is also about how you see that situation from a different perspective. Whenever something bad happens, what do we do is? We see that particular situation with our eyes only. We never try to see that particular situation from a different perspective. Whenever we try to see that particular situation/problem with different eyes and from a different perspective than only we can understand what is the real problem.
No matter how hard things happened with you in your life but those difficult times, tough people, all the hurts, injuries, and wound makes you stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Our parents also come from different backgrounds, cultures, in whichever environment they had grown up so they have some kind of beliefs, how they have struggled in their life and comes to a point where they follow their principles, morals, and core values. If you want to live your life under them then you will have to follow their principles, morals, and core values.
Here’s a very important message, I want to convey. There is no comparison in the parents that we do by seeing other people’s parents.
Each parent nurturing & upbringing style is different. That’s called Parenting Style.
In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted one research on more than 100 preschool-age children. She used naturalistic observation, parental interviews, other research methodologies, and she identified some important key dimensions of parenting.
Based on that research, Diana Baumrind identified that there are 3 different parenting styles. Later on, that research held by Maccoby & Martin added one more parenting style. Each of these parenting styles has different effects on children’s behavior.
They want to teach us the same thing but in a different way. It is not your parent’s job to make you a masterpiece but it is your job to make you a masterpiece.
They fulfill your physiological needs, provide you the support that you require, and even guide you when you are lost in your journey but it is your job to make yourself a masterpiece. It is your job to work on different areas of yourself. It is your job to make yourself better human. It is your job to make a better version of yourself.
